i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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