Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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