My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
