it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
