Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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