Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
