I have demons in me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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