question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
