My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
