well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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