and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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