I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
