When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
