i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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