there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
