I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
