I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize