I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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