So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This girl is more easily done than said...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
