and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Come on in and take your pants off
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