I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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