ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
