he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
