Im at strip club and am horny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
