You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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