At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
