My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
