the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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