i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize