i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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