just tell him i said nine months
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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