I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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