I will die if light touches me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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