I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
