my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
