i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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