Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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