she told me i tasted like america
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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