So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
