thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
