She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
