i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
