If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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