um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
