I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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