I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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