Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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