Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
