was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am naked and annoyed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
