Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
