I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
