we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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