Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
