He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
