last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize