I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
