She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
