She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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