one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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