since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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