So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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