You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
