So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
