gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
