I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
