Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
