Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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